Losing myself with you
by ScifiSOS
Summary: LightSlash,darkfic,HPDM- Harry and Draco are the left overs of the war. Slowly going into insanity while their friends are losing hope slowly. Insanity is scary but its scary going through it alone. 'Yes, I will lose myself with you.'


_**Title: Losing Myself with You**_

_**Summary: The war ended – Harry killed Voldemort but at what cost? He is haunted by his fears and haunted by the voices in his head. Ron doesn't know what to do. Blaise has watched his friend, Draco Malfoy, go slowly insane ever since he was tortured. Sure the bloody Savior saved him but can that really erase the unknown trauma? Everything seems so…hopeless.**_

_**Warning **__****__** this story contains light SLASH. Plus this is not exactly your daisy and roses story so if you're in a good mood you might want to read when it's not so good lolz. No lemon people. **_

_**-- Dark -- Dark --Dark --**_

_**You caused each person to die. It's your fault. Why didn't you save them?**_

_I ran, ran, and ran…its dark. A green light burst through the darkness and I saw it hit innocent person._

_**You're scared of us. You're scared of the dark. You're scared of the past.**_

_I saw another green flash hit someone else, I kept running. I can't control my body. I can't control myself. I-_

_**You are a freak! You're weak! How can you let those people die?! It's your fault. **_

_Running from this voice inside my head but it echoes off the walls of the darkness. I can't stand it anymore._

"NO!" a boy immediately got up from his sleep. Sweat dripping from his forehead, heart beating at an impossible rate. Those emerald eyes had fear written in them.

The boy ran to the bathroom and started going threw the draws.

"Where is it?! Where is it!! I need it!" He yanked the drawer out. Some footsteps came running to the room.

There standing in the bathroom door was a light skin, freckled, blue eyed boy. The blue eyed male ran to the other and held him back.

"No! You can't! You said you would stop! Please!" The blue eyes felt an elbow hit him in the stomach but he can't let go of his grip. "Calm down! Please! Please!"

The green eyed breathing started to slow down and he slumped against the blue eyed male's body.

"I can't stop. I'm going insane..." The green eyed whispered. Ron held his friend.

Ron looked up at the ceiling, but he was trying to look up at the sky. '_Hermione…I don't know what to do anymore. I can't save Harry from the darkness on my own…'_

_--_

Ron sighed. It was morning. Another horrible morning, after Harry calmed down he went into his little shell again. That shell…it's horrible. No one allowed in anymore.

Ron walked by the couch Harry was sitting, well, moping really. Ron sucked in his breath and walked up to Harry. "That's it. You're coming with me."

The broken Savior looked up at him with curiosity. The boy looked forward at the wall. "No."

Oh god this is getting more hopeless! What do you do to stop your friend from going insane?

At that moment the door rang. Ron jumped but went and answered it. "Blaise?"

Ron watched as his old friend, yes you read correctly, old friend walked into his house looking like a ghost. "I don't know what to do anymore Ron. Draco doesn't do anything anymore. He doesn't move. He doesn't eat. All he does is sit around and do nothing! I'm going to grow early gray hair!"

Ron sighed. "Same here."

Blaise stopped. "Do you mind if I brought him over here?"

"Not really. He isn't a git anymore."

"Good because I brought him." Blaise turned back and dragged the blonde in the house shutting the door behind them.

Ron looked at almost Malfoy and saw the same thing he saw when he looks at Harry. Nothing. Just a left over from the past. Ron sighed. "Place him next to Harry and you're going to help me hide every single sharp object in this house."

Blaise nodded. "I had that feeling. Dray? Go sit next to Potter."

The blonde just did as he was told and sat there. Neither Harry nor Draco notice the other two leave them alone in that quiet room.

It was like that for a while. Did they care though? No. Why care when you wanted to die so badly?

Draco finally got bored. He looked at his old rival. "Do you know how good it feels when that blade slides against your skin and you bleed?"

That seemed to get the once Savior's attention. The brunette nodded. "Yes, the cool blade against the skin and that sharp painful sting you feel as your flesh open is quite lovely."

Draco smiled, pleased. He chuckled, darkly. "Sometimes I would take a taste of my blood. I wish it tasted better. It is tainted. I don't want it in me."

"Tainted?"

Draco bit his lip and sat cross legged on the couch. "I think many people get the meaning of tortured wrong. Then again they were half right assuming it was whippings and blood...watching people die."

"In other words you were also raped?"

"Yeah."

"How did it feel?"

"Painful."

"Pain is good."

"Not that pain." Draco gripped his arms and hugged himself. "No one loves spoiled goods."

"Not true." Harry said blankly. "I was raped by my Uncle in the muggle world. Of course I never told anyone that."

Draco nodded. "So you're tainted too?"

"Yes. You know I hear voices in my head. They tell me to cut so I listen to them." Harry shifted so he was sitting like Draco but facing towards him. He pulled up his sleeve and showed Draco his scars. "See?"

Draco let his hand out and traced the scars. "Pretty."

"I know. Can you tell what the design is? I was trying to go for something dark."

"It looks like blood to me."

Harry smiled wickedly. "Wow you're good. When I showed Ron he turned pale and fainted."

Draco met with Harry's eyes. To him they were beautiful – unlike others which always seemed to be looking at him with disgust and hatred. "I always thought that red head was a git. The design is pretty. I should have done that."

"Where do you cut?"

"My thighs." Draco shivered and Harry tilted his head. The Savior opened his arms. Draco blinked at them.

"Why are you opening your arms like that?"

"I'm offering to hold you Dray."

The blonde stared at the arms again. His eyes went from the arms to emerald eyes. Finally he snuggled himself into the lap. When Harry's arms wrapped around him he felt something he hasn't felt in a very long time.

_Warmth._

"Why your thighs?"

"Because the men touched me there mostly. They touched me everywhere and if I could I would cut every single part of my body. I feel sick when I remember it." Draco placed his head on the shoulder.

The silence came back and they stayed like that for a while. "Harry?"

"Hmmn yes Dray?" Harry said casually. They acted like they have been calling each other like that forever.

"Do you have those dreams where you are running?"

Draco felt the head above him nod. "I hate those dreams Harry. They scare me. I want to die when I have them."

"Same here. I hate the voices." Harry said numbly.

Draco backed up a bit and looked at Harry. "They echo-"

"And yell-"

"And…hurt. A lot."

Harry looked the blonde in the eyes. Quickly but softly he pressed his lips to the soft pink ones. Draco froze but then relaxed into it. Harry backed away and rested his cheek on the couch.

Draco brought his fingers to his lips and traced it. "I don't feel sick."

"That is because it wasn't meant to hurt you."

Draco nodded. "It tingles."

Harry nodded sleepily. "Mine still tingle too. Your lips are soft."

Draco smiled. "Yours are warm."

Harry smiled back softly.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"Because I wanted too. Did you mind it?"

Draco shook his head. "Harry?"

"Yeah…?"

"We're going to go insane one day aren't we?"

Harry nodded. "We already are beginning too."

"Will you lose your last bit of sanity with mine?"

Harry shrugged. "Yes, I'll lose myself with you."

Draco smiled. He liked the way it was put.

The silence came back again and the two settled themselves down on the couch. Each holding each other tightly, for the first time in ten years they slept without nightmares.

Ron and Blaise walked back into the room and just stared blankly.

Ron saw Harry's sleeve rolled up and sighed. "It seems they're both insane…but…"

Blaise looked at him. "But?"

"Harry's not thrashing around in his sleep. Somehow I think Malfoy would be good for him."

Blaise smiled and took Ron's hand. "We'll be there to watch them help each other get better."

Ron smiled and nodded. He squeezed the hand.

Everything is always better when you have someone there to support you – even through your insanity.

_**--**_

_**My crappiest fiction yet. Reviews are lovely but I'm kind of afraid of what this one might bring. And to anyone who thinks I'm insane after this I'm not. I just get try being someone I'm not when I'm writing. **_

_**Anyways I'm going to write like some kind of smut fanfiction with masochism or something with bondage. It would be my first bondage fic it I do it. Hmmn…I'll just have to edit it a lot huh. **_

_**Have a nice day…if you can after reading the crappy XD. **_


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